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Are we going out…or just hanging out? Is it time for the “define the relationship” talk? You may need to ask yourself: am I dating, hanging out, or hooking up? And what do I actually want? Dating. Traditionally, when we talk about a couple as dating, we probably mean that they’re seeing each other regularly in a romantic way. Normally you don’t sit down and talk about deep, intimate, subjects with someone whom you’re just hooking up with. So, if he’s doing late night talks with you where he reveals his innermost secrets, well, you mean more to him than a regular hook-up would. Unless, of course, it’s a once off after a bottle of wine… He’s Jealous 46.67% of women and 45.07% of men said they preferred traditional dating to hooking up in general. 41.33% of women said they strongly preferred traditional dating compared to 19.72% of men ... Hooking up has come to replace are we dating or hooking up quizlet traditional forms of dating - some believe what is the quality of the relationship we think we really deserve - usually derived It used on all-subject achievement tests and beautiful country type and individuals who they know what. 2. You've Met His Friends And Family. If you're just a hookup or he isn't interested in pursuing anything serious, you probably won't even meet the friends, let alone the family. A person you're seeing? Just someone you're talking to? Every person-to-person experience is definitely different, but here are some ways to narrow down the different between dating, seeing eachother, or just hooking-up. 1. You're seeing a lot of eachother (and not a lot of other people) By a lot, we mean time-wise - not body wise. If you're ... If two people are casually hanging out, or simply hooking up, weekends are not a definite. If you’ve noticed that every week, you two have begun to plan out what your weekends look like, it might be a sign that you are officially dating-dating. Weekends are not a given when it comes to casual hookup situations. You’re not really in a relationship with someone, but you’re not exactly just hooking up either. We've all been there, but no one ever knows quite what to call it. Most of us feel an immediate sense of dread at the thought of broaching the topic of 'what are we?' with those we're hooking up with or casually dating. It's terrifying to put yourself out there ... It would seem that 'hanging out' is just a euphemism for 'hooking up,' and 'dating' is just what we call 'going on actual dates, whether seriously or not,' but it can be hard to tell.
2009.02.23 19:53 NeedAFriend: Let's chat, vent, share, and feel better
Are you looking for a new friend or a kind voice? This is a subreddit for people looking to make strictly platonic friends from nearby or around the world. You are welcome to post and talk, private message others, discuss and share in a supportive manner.
2017.12.29 02:25 PM_PAINTED_GUY_TOESMale Crossdressers & Femguys Who Happen to Like Women
SFW. A "male lesbian" supposedly is a boy, man or male person who enjoys "crossdressing" and is attracted to women. This oxymoron term is most known from Eddie Izzard. Here you can find media of couples, advice, male makeovers, drag tutorials and other resources. Note: despite the sub's name implications, Bi and Asexual folks are equally welcome! ♥ Not supposed to be confused or conflated with a real lesbian identity nor transsexual (MTF) identity. ML is not an ID label, ignore the name please.
2020.07.10 21:27 ilovekiwiskinMy (21M) now girlfriend (21F) had a relationship while being abroad for a few months in between when we were dating
Me (21M) and my girlfriend (21M) have been together for around 2 months now. Before that time, we were dating for over a year. We were really getting to the point of a relationship last summer, however due to the fact that she would leave to another country from September till January, we decided not to go through with it and do “our own thing” in the meantime, and see how it goes when she comes back. Doing our own thing meant that hooking up with someone else was okay. Then, in February we started dating again which led to the current relationship. When she was abroad, we messaged daily and called a few times a week in the beginning (this got way less around December). One time (I think around mid October), she told me that she slept with someone else. I just told her okay, that’s what we agreed on, but in the future just don’t tell me, because it made me rather sad. Then in late November, she came home for a weekend, and we agreed to see each other. However I fucked up with cancelling last minute and in the end we did not see each other. The contact became way less after this (on both sides). Here is where the relationship advice is needed. I found out in March (when we were dating again), that she had a boyfriend abroad. She ended the relationship when coming back (because she couldn’t do long-distance). When I found out, she played cool about it and “that I didn’t want to know”. I kind of understand why she would think that, but a one-night stand and a relationship is a huge difference in my opinion. Now apparently they were already sleeping together a lot, while we were still messaging daily. She told me that the cancellation in late November was the final straw and she then decided to take a relationship with him. I previously talked with her about this and she told me that she has a nicer time with me, that he was only for abroad, she’s totally done with him etc etc. Despite all of this, I still feel very sad about it and it troubles me a lot lately, having the feeling that it only gets worse. I sometimes get the feeling that she had an affair, while she isn’t at fault (since we had the do our own thing agreement). What troubles me the most is that she didn’t tell me until March and we kept chatting and calling while she was also sleeping with him. Also the sexual contact feels different sometimes. When we are trying “something new” she will say things like “oh I know this will work!” (because of her experience abroad) and I just can’t seem to process such things. Or she will show pictures of her time abroad and show pictures with him together. A few things to note:
I had a few one-night stands, which she is aware of
I was her first sex partner
I kissed with a girl in August (theoretically it wasn’t cheating, but we both agreed that is wasn’t okay to do that). This may also be a reason of talking about how I feel about the relationship (affairish) a bit complicated.
I’m kind of a jealous type
Aside from this, we have a very healthy relationship.
I just don’t know what to do know. Should I talk with her about it again? I’m afraid that it will be annoying for her. Am I over-exaggerating the whole situation? Shouldn’t I feel this way because we made that agreement? Should she have told me about her relationship? Any advice would be appreciated :) EDIT: To clarify, I am very happy with her. I also do want this leave all of this behind us, however it bothers me a lot lately and I do not know what to do about it / get over it.
2020.07.10 21:23 nobody2000TIFU by buying a non-birthday present
Okay - so I'll preface this quickly - I have a reputation among everyone I know for giving great gifts. I once had my ex call me upset that her boyfriend bought her a "checkout line" gift for her birthday and she complimented me on my gift giving ability even though we dated in college when we both were poor. Why am I good? I think long and hard about every gift I give. Since I live with my girlfriend now, that's tough because generally, when she or the house needs something, we find a way to get it. Surprises are tough. So - totally unrelated to any gift, a deal went up on robotic vacuum cleaners. We have two dogs, and after realizing that even though a robot is not as good as a decent upright, running it once a day will result in a net reduction of dog hair. Thought it would be a nice to have for the house. I bought one. I hooked it up before she got home, and when she arrived, I hit the "start" button on the phone, and it began it's cycle. After a "what's that?" she finally spotted the thing. She began squealing. The dogs began barking it was so excited and high pitched. "YOU GOT A ROOMBA! I AM SO HAPPY! I WANTED ONE FOR MY BIRTHDAY!!" I rarely see this level of excitement in her. Fuck. Who gets this excited over a robot vacuum? And now what am I going to do when her birthday rolls around? I have to at least attempt to top that reaction. TL;DR - Bought a robot vacuum not knowing my girlfriend really really wanted one for her birthday. It is months before her birthday. I cashed in a good idea too soon, and now I'm going to have to think of another great birthday present.
2020.07.10 20:47 tocororosMy husband thinks I’ve been having an affair with his arch nemesis for years.
Okay so let me give you all the juicy deets reddit. Me 31F, husband 39M, arch nemesis ~30M About seven years ago I got really drunk at a bar and had a one night stand with a guy. I thought I’d never see him again but we ended up getting married a few years later. What a fairy tale story! Well about a week after meeting him, I hooked up with this guy I use to work with years ago. No big deal right? Well my future husband and I start dating and I let him know that I had been with someone else recently but I had no problem being exclusive with him. A couple of years go by and the Arch Nemesis (AN) will text me or try to message me through social media. I tell him “I have a boyfriend. Please do not contact me”, then I block him and let my future husband know what happened. Finally I’ve got this guy blocked on every single platform imaginable. It’s been probably five years since I’ve gotten a message from him. As the years slip by my husband is just stewing about how much he hates AN. I had some sort of idea that he didn’t like this guy but I never knew that it was to this extent. At the beginning of June I was informed that my position at work had been eliminated. Luckily there was another job they were looking to fill that I could move into. Best of a bad situation, but none the less stressful as fuck for me. This was the time the accusations started. Now it’s going to get real crazy so hang on to your butts. This all started with some old calendars. Yes, I’m a weirdo and keep my old calendars. My husband told me he was going through them to figure out when we first started going to therapy, which I don’t believe for a second. He’s lied a lot in the past which is a whole other conversation. I had made little stars to mark something. I honestly don’t remember what; it was years and years ago. There were other marks too like little dots, X's and whatever. Some of them I remember what they are other I don't. Well my husband associated the stars with what he remembers as a room card key that also had a star on it. It was actually a flash drive that looked like a room card key. It was pretty cool actually. I have a close friend that is in the hospitality industry. They passed out stacks of these things at a conference she went to. On the flash drive were pictures or music. I don’t really remember what. I’ve long since thrown it away. Anyways he thinks I put stars on the days I was going to a hotel to fuck AN. He confronts me and I tell him that’s crazy and stop going through my stuff. A week later and I get a text while I’m at work. My husband says he knows I’m not at work and I’m at a hotel with AN. He also lets me know that he is leaving me. I was in fact at work and shopping for groceries to grill out all weekend with my loving husband. I call him and calm him down. I get him to agree to get back into therapy ASAP. We have a phone conference with our old therapist and I agree to sit down with my husband so he can interrogate me about every single mark I have made on a calendar for the past seven years. Once we get that done he tells me he has went through all of my bank statements. (Note: we keep separate bank accounts but he is on mine so he can drop bill money in.) Now I have to try to explain any “suspicious” purchases that I’ve made in the last few years. Also he finds an eye glasses prescription that puts me close to where AN lives. Oh wait how would he even know where this guy lives you ask? Because he’s been online stalking him! Yes, he’s looked up his criminal record, all his social media shit, who he hangs out with and where those people live too. He had put together a whole timeline of where this guy lived and where his friends lived. At this point I’m furious and a little scared. Over the next few weekdays he can’t sleep. He wakes up with nightmares about me cheating on him with AN. He accuses me of actually loving AN more than him and that he knows AN fucks me better than he can. I stay at a friend’s house over the weekend because he’s being crazy and scaring me a lot. After the weekend he’s still being a total asshole to me so I ask him to go stay at his parent’s house for a while. We had a couple joint sessions with the therapist. She isn’t taking sides which blows my mind. He is literally going through all of my stuff to make up some weird stories and online stalking some guy. Finally, the most recent mind blowing bullshit is that he went through my dirty underwear too! He found a pair that he thought looked “cum stained” and was appalled that I just “left them laying around.” Yeah I’m married to an almost 40 year old man that has no idea how a woman’s body works. I felt completely violated and disgusted. I have no clue why this guy is going fucking nuts.
2020.07.10 20:41 throwayway569eleven year old lonely lie
so, im in this new city with a new job. so, I dont know anybody for miles from where i live. i also later find out my job sucks completely. people in my floor are cringey too. so, i get to feel really lonely for over a month. a silver lining in that building was this really hot asian woman above my floor. i wanted to ask her out. i never asked her out. also found out this other man on my floor was dating here too. i still had a relationship with her. she was actually my first love. i would imagine her eating with me in diners and working out in the company gym and she would ask me to join her. i imagined going out to the movies and imagine her sitting next to me. i imagine planning a vacation after we saved our hard earned money. i uploaded my pictures of the vacation to my ig page of our vacation. i would imagine snuggling her and her holding me like a baby at night. I told my parents and my very far away friends about her and her lovely adventures in this city. they were happy for me. i told my dad i would marry her. after a few months in real life, she and the other guy got married. her wedding dress looked gorgeous. i couldn't stay in this branch anymore. my social life flat lined in my year and half in this city. i asked for a transfer. i wasn't transferred. then, i imagined how my imaginary girlfriend was coping terribly with depression and avoidant issues, even if her life around her wasnt doing so bad. i imagined watching her mental state deteriorating on every week and feeling futile about it. i imagined her so numb to leave her house for a fortnight. i imagine having dissociated phone calls with her at night. i tried to put my imaginary girlfriend under suicide watch. they didn't do it. then i imagined her being broken enough to leap out of the balcony of her high up apartment without a care in the world and into a unmoving car below. this felt painful. very painful. imagining finding her motionless body above a broken car with lifeless eyes that is seaping blood from the fatal trauma and holding her body upright would cold. i cried a lot in my room. i told my parents and my manager about my imaginary girlfriend's death. my manager offered a leave. i quit. he gave me severance and his best wishes. i spent the other 6 months at my parent's house grieving her passing. my mom took me to grief support groups for suicide. my friend took me to a grief counselor and listened to my rants about her. in spite of this, i felt very alone. loneliness was crippling than that city somehow. i hooked up with someone and she listened to me about the imaginary death. a lot of my friends know about this incident. when a couple of friends experienced death of a loved one in their life. they would come to me and we would have bonded on our experiences with the pain of grief. i tried to help them through their experiences. distractions, learning a hobbies, pushing them for therapy, discouraging them bottling their painful periods, i let them live in my apartment for a while. five years later, im in a different job in a different country. the job and setting is very fulfilling. i gave online dating for a year and i met someone wonderful. she is way too mature for her age. i told her about my dead girlfriend and she cried and she held me. we got closer every passing day and she became deeply rooted in my life and my future. my parents didn't mind her and hers liked me too. we moved in. we stayed here together for six years. this year, she got a very exciting job at aarhus and we moved in January. we were on the polar opposite timezone last year and we may end up settling here. even through the pandemic, we became closer. I bought this pretty ring for her a week ago so i could ask her hand. even through all of this, she knows about my imaginary grief and she knows about something that is completely fiction. i hate this. i hate this very much. not a living soul knows that dead girlfriend is a nonexistent one. i dont even know what truly made me do it to this day and i still feel so guilty and terrible and disgusting. i feel like i dont deserve anything because a part of my life has been a white lie. i dont deserve my spouse, my job, my parents, my friends, or my colleagues. no must find out, but i feel disturbed that no one knows. i have never told the dead girlfriend to anybody else after my spouse, and i want to keep it that way. everybody doesn't remember everything and i want to keep it that way. heck, in hindsight, i just felt like i was flagellating my life to repent for it. i did no wrong to anybody for the past eleven years. I would not want my life to change. I have been selfless and devoted to her and i love her unconditionally. i always wonder if im ever a good person or if there is some kind of redemption for me. so, that is my confession. i confess to living a lie for a year, ten years ago. it is the past. this will be the last will and testament to my lying life of 2008. it never came back. it feels relieving to confess this stain. it almost feels like it doesn't exist anymore in writing through this.
2020.07.10 20:11 monsterhangI’m just ready to be done
I normally keep this shit to myself but I just can’t right now it’s too much to handle, it’s too much for anyone. Guys I’m 34 years old, I’ll be 35 next month and I’m just done with life. I simply don’t want to do it anymore and I’m tired of just waiting. I don’t want attention or sympathy I just want to bitch while I debate a way out. I’m 34 and I work for family, when I was a kid my father owned two Chevrolet dealerships and we grew up well with money and never had to worry, but when I was 15 my parents got divorced and my dad went down hill. He got shacked up with some stripper whore who got him hooked on crack and meth and pain pills, he sold the two business out from under me after telling me my whole life they’d be mine, don’t go to college unless you want to because there’s two multi million dollar businesses with your name on them when I turn 65 he always told me that, always. He didn’t sell them until I was 23-24 and he sold them to his brother in law who is a jerk and had always hated me, and I still work for him to this day, the work environment is, confrontational so put it mildly, I run the parts department and deal with the mechanics all day, up in my face yelling and cursing, then my boss bitches over everything the sales manager bitches at me I’m basically the scapegoat I get all the shit even when it’s not related to my department. So every day I go punch in and work a minimum wage job at the company I was supposed to own, I brought home 26k last year after taxes... On top of that my dad calls me and begs for food and money daily, he will lie about why he needs cash, usually says it’s for medicine since he is in very late stage COPD and only has 6-8 months left to live, if I don’t give him the money he gets pissed then sad and bullies me emotionally until I break, but I break when I can’t I give my dad my last few dollars all the time, bc I worry and then I find out he still owns the properties for the businesses, and collects 7500 bucks a month to be drunk on his couch 24/7! He’s been making 7500 a month for YEARS and still taking my last few dollars!!! Knowing I’m on the verge of being homeless!!!! Then my ac unit goes out at home luckily I can fix it myself so I go to work, use my work connects to score a super expensive fan for cheap and I pay for it and when it comes in I go pick it up no big deal, that was on Monday on Thursday the company I got the fan from emailed my boss and said that the day I was there an employee at the warehouse tested positive for covid, so they send me home until I can test negative, but I can’t get a test done, my local health departments are out of tests, my doctor won’t do it bc I have no symptoms and the only place I can get one is the ER and my copay is 1k to go to the ER. So I’m fucked I can’t go to work even though I NEED to I can’t get the stupid test done and my boss at work is already running ads in the paper for my replacement!!! I’ve been doing a good job at my work making Great sales and they just replace me not even 48 hours after they send me home!!! YEARS I’ve worked there and been shit on daily and smiled anyway and said yes sir and no sir, YEARS Ive scraped by and worn then same clothes to work until they had holes in them, YEARS I’ve showed up 30 minutes early to turn the lights on and make the coffee!!!!!!!! And they’re just going to replace me.... I’ve done everything asked of me at this job I’ve worked saturdays, I’ve worked 6 days straight for months, I’ve lost other things to not lose that job! Besides my dad I have no real family, I have no real friends, I have absolutely no money. I can’t date because I have no money. I can’t take ladies to dinner bc I’m broke, and I can’t even take them on a hike bc all my clothes and shoes are patched up or ripped I have no extra money. I work 8-5 then I work 7-12 at a fucking chicken house scooping shit for enough money to afford my monthly injections for my psoriatic arthritis. I’m just sick of not having anyone but my dogs I love my dogs more than myself and they’re the only thing that keeps me from killing myself. I’m sick of always being in the hole, I’m sick of being below everyone and I’m sick of having to roll change to buy groceries, I’m sick of being less than. My “family” that is close by makes fun of my hair, my clothes, my car, my home, and my hobbies and I have no one that’s just chill with me. And the biggest kicker of it all is I spent like 8 years in the gym lifting weights, building muscle and shit I went from a bench of 95 to a bench of 380lbs I’m by all accounts big/jacked/ripped/swole but I’m still too big of a pussy to stand up to anyone as much as I hate my situation, I hate myself most just for being me. I just don’t want to live anymore. If I can get someone with an actual heart and soul to take all three of my dogs and promise to never split them up, I’ll leave this world on that same day. The only reason I’m alive right now is the thought of my dogs being split up breaks my fucking heart.
2020.07.10 19:43 itsMissTolerAm I not “girlfriend” material?
I (24f) have a really shitty dating history. Only had one bf before college but when I left for college he got controlling and I had to drop him. In high school and in college I was either in sports or into my studies so I didn’t date much at all. Had a few hook ups here and there but that’s about it. I had one on and off again bf for 3 years. We fought a lot, we still talk here and there but it isn’t the same. I just don’t know why I can’t attract a fit, mature, and respectful guy. I’m loyal, I’m going to have a really good job in medicine, I work out but men don’t really talk to me irl. I get DMs here and there but I rarely find them attractive. I don’t know if my standards are too high or I’m just ugly. I will say it’s hard for me to find a guy that I’m physically into but they are out there. It sucks because when I do like a guy, it’s hard for me to communicate that. I get insanely nervous and fear rejection. My on and off boyfriend ngl killed my self confidence. He always accused me of things I didn’t do, made rude comments, and blamed me for a lot of things. Our arguments were petty but some of the sh*t he said to me I feel like still haunts me. I just don’t feel good enough and haven’t felt the same since that relationship. I’m not sure if that is the reason why I can’t approach guys or open up to anyone. I’ll be done school at 27 and I feel like I should fix myself now so that I’m ready to date once I’m out.
2020.07.10 19:25 backwards_mireahUnsure about friend [18M] after hooking up with him
CW: drunk sex Before Covid happened, I [18F] was at uni and on a night out, got really drunk. Like black-out drunk. But I was with a close group of friends whom I trusted and felt safe with. When we got back home to accommodation, one of my closest guy friends and I ended up chatting in my room. The details are very hazy to me. This was pretty normal, we talked a lot and even had sleepovers in each other’s rooms sometimes, in a platonic manner. I didn’t think he was interested in me and neither was I. I never really thought about dating him ever. Anyways, that night we ended up hooking up, but I have absolutely no coherent recollection of it. And before that I was a virgin. So I just felt really confused as to what and how everything had happened. The morning after we talked about it and we agreed that we had both been drunk and that it should just be a one time thing and shouldn’t change our friendship or anything. He said he remembered everything so I asked a few questions but still am confused as to how it was initiated. I couldn’t ask many follow up questions though because a few days after that happened, we all had to go back home because of corona. I haven’t seen him since but we talk on the phone on the regular. I still like him but have mixed feelings and don’t really know how to feel about the incident because it was technically unconsensual sex and it was my first time and I spent it on a drunken hookup. :( I would appreciate any advice or thoughts, thank you. TL;DR: I [18F] don’t know how to feel about drunken, unconsensual sex with a close friend [18M], especially as I was a virgin before.
2020.07.10 18:59 schnauzersistersFirst time poster. I'll try to make this as entertaining as possible to read. This is the 2015 - 2020 timeline of me and my gay best friend who I'm still in love with and haven't spoken to in three years. Now three years later, he's back, and I need advice/need to talk
(Reading this post back to myself, I know I use the word "love" a lot like I say I love this kid. This isn't some intense Romeo and Juliet shit, but I've liked this kid more than I've ever liked anyone and that's maybe two other people (the other two ended up being criminals and I found out one was a Nazi (yes a gay Nazi) so I haven't had great pickings in life which is why this guy is so special to me, anyway)) 2015: I'm 19 a freshman in college and he is 18 in high school. My college was really far from him, but I met him on tinder over winter break when I went back to my hometown. It was one of those rare moments when you just see their picture and it slaps you in the face, it was literally love at his first sight. We talk, message, FaceTime, and eventually meet up and go on an all day event, my first real date ever. We hooked up in his car that night, the first time I had done anything like that with anyone. We hung out a few more times before I went back to school, but even back at school he would call me every day and I could tell he really liked me. It was all the perfect combination. Until my ass fucked it up. He lived really far away, almost four hours from my school. At the time, four hours seemed really far to be with someone that I only knew for a couple weeks. So I said we should stop talking. He still wanted to talk and be friends, I was a dick and just didn't see the point. So I stopped texting back and returning calls until it fizzled out. I had only been out for a year at that point, so I assumed it was so easy that time it must be super easy to meet people near you and find the perfect person. It's not. 2017: Flash forward to my junior year of college two years later. I open Tinder and see his profile pop up and that he is 2 miles away from me. We matched and I asked what he was doing at the school and he says he is about to start there soon and that he was moving in to an apartment in town. I was ecstatic. I didn't see any reason why we wouldn't pick up where we left off if we were still cordial and both still single (also I had been going to the gym for 10 months straight and I could tell he had too, not that it matters, but we both just improved physically in those two years apart, him more than me, but still). So I asked if he wanted to hang out again, and he was immediately down. We started out meeting on campus to study or do work, walking around, I introduced him to the people I knew, and he came over a few times to watch a movie or smoke but usually with my roommates around. I seriously thought we were starting to kind of date again. He would text me all throughout the days, it was just a no brainer in my mind that we still liked each other. But we hadn't really been alone yet. So one night we had been drinking watching a movie in my room and I tried to make the move. He completely rejected me, he was shocked I even tried. He tells me that since we last talked he has only been hooking up with/seeing black men only. I was shocked by that, just because it was never something specific that was mentioned. I was upset and I felt super played but after a few days I felt fine. It was strange to me, but I didn't think that his race preference was an excuse. He is one of the most nice and real people I've ever met, and I can't make him be attracted to me again (even though I look the exact same if not better now). I seriously was fine. I just felt like at the time he was treating me as more than a friend, all that constant every day every hour communication I just don't do that with my regular friends. A few weeks or something goes by, we are completely platonic friends at this point. I'm still basically in love with him, I'm trying to be cool about it, but it was really hard sometimes I would just go to sleep crying because we were so close but not in the ways I really wanted to be. At this point the only crushes I had on people in my life were my straight friends from middle school, so to have it happen all over again with an actual gay person this time sucked. So he's casually mentioning hookups with people, I assume they are all black men. I'm probably off chasing another boy that doesn't like me. Then one night he pulls out his phone and shows me a picture of a random guy. Immediately I thought he was showing me the picture to tell me I look just like the person in the photo. He says this is the guy he is talking to/kind of getting serious with. This guy that is white with brown hair, green eyes and looks literally identical to me. And he's shoving him in my face. To say I lost it is a bit of an understatement. Looking back I know I was an asshole in how I reacted, but I felt super played and confused. Obviously he knew that even though we were just "friends" now, I still liked him because I literally told him I did a few weeks prior. He knew that I felt lead on by him in those weeks too. I tried to be mature and get over it, and be best friends with a gay kid I was in love with, but after he showed me that picture I couldn't do it anymore. I dropped him, unfollowed him, blocked him on everything. Yeah I was an asshole about it, he says he's allowed to like anyone of any race, but it's emotionally draining to pretend you don't love your best friend, especially when you were already somewhat together in the past, and they show off every guy they meet to you. I feel like if this was any other stranger on the Internet I would tell them to shut up and stop trying to get people who don't like them to like them because it's pathetic. The only difference is like I've sucked this kids dick before while he fingered my asshole so have you done that with your best friend? And when we first met he liked me way more than I liked him, I'm just confused why it all reversed. Probably karma for ending things for no real good reason in 2015. 2020: It's been three years since I last talked to this kid, five years since I first met him. I think once more in college he tried to reach out to me, but I had to tell him that I can't do it again that I cannot be at that level of friendship that he always wants, watch him show other people off in front of me, and eventually end up heartbroken because I will always like him and I get it's not fair to him but it isn't to me either. We could have rules like no discussing relationships but what the fuck kind of friendship is that. The only form of communication we had from 2017-2020 was Snapchat. We hardly post, but if we did I would watch his story and he would always watch mine. About a week ago I saw him pop up on Tinder, we are living in the same city again. And we matched. And now we are talking again. He's made it clear already he is somewhat talking to someone now, but we are talking about maybe meeting up and going on a hike (we were both big in camping and we wear masks everywhere). I feel like because it has been so long I might be over him, because I truly haven't thought of him in a while, and I have zero gay friends so it might be nice to have that again. But we are now right back fucking to it. He's texting me all hours of the day, sending me snaps, wants to facetime and catch up. I can already see myself starting to get sucked back into liking him which sucks because I spent so much time trying to get over him (I wrote a whole fucking 125 page movie script out of this story, just for my own sanity and therapy I was trying to make sense of it all). And now I've made this ridiculously long post so clearly I'm starting to overthink. If you've made it this far, thank you for reading. I don't have alot of people who I can talk to about this, or anyone who even cares, so any advice would be amazing. Do I bottle it in and grow up and be friends again with someone I love as a person but also wanted to love as a partner? Do I sit back and smile when he tells me about his relationships? Is he lacking in empathy or am I the overreacting jealous asshole? Are you currently in love with your gay best friend? How do you even do that? Is this karma for me ending things when were teenagers because I was annoyed about having to drive four hours to meet him? I feel like that's one of the biggest regrets of my life.
2020.07.10 18:42 sdkskjdkdDid not handle my symptoms, might have ruined a relationship (tw// CSA, incest, substance abuse, and rape mention)
I’ve never used reddit before but I’m really struggling with feeling like I’ve fucked up the best thing in my life. My (21M) boyfriend (21M) isn’t talking to me right now since I told him that I relapsed on binge drinking and ended up letting an old fwb come over to hook up. I was diagnosed with cptsd about 6 months ago resulting from ongoing childhood SA at the hands of my sibling, being sent to conversion therapy, having a near death medical experience, and being emotionally manipulated and eventually raped by my first significant other. Some of my worst symptoms are risk-seeking behavior including substance abuse, hypersexuality, and self-harm (usually all going hand-in-hand). I’ve been able to see a good therapist for about a year now and have made a lot of progress in recovering from these habits, but like many people struggling with these symptoms the pandemic has been especially hard. My bf and I have known each other and had a romantic/off-and-on intimate friendship for 3 years, and just entered an open relationship 5 months ago. We hadn’t discussed monogamy since then, and although I think we were both starting to feel we wanted to be exclusive, we hadn’t had that conversation yet. Then a few days ago I have this slip up and drunkenly break quarantine for a terrible hookup and screw it all up. I called him as soon as I could after it happened to try to apologize and explain and just not be keeping it from him. Because of the context around what I did I feel like the technicality of whether we were monogamous or not doesn’t really matter here. He’s been so understanding and supportive over quarantine and even forgave me soon after I relapsed on drugs about 3 months ago. We’ve never had a big fight like this and after I told him he said he needed time to think. The next day I sent a text wanting to make sure he’s okay and he said he needs more time and distance. It’s only been a few days since it happened and I know I’m going to have to be willing to give him as much time as he needs, but it’s so hard feeling like the worst of my symptoms—the things i hate the most about myself—have ruined my most stable and rewarding relationships to date. We were so close to being able to hang out for the first time after 4 months of lockdown. It’s been so long since we’ve been able to see each other and I know the timing of this mistake is making it even harder for him. I just don’t know how to feel anything other than the same overwhelming shame that has perpetuated these cycles for the last 15 years of my life, and I don’t want to launch myself into another month long depressive spiral. tldr :: how can i come to terms with the fact that my risk-seeking, self-sabotaging, old habits stemming from trauma might have ruined the most loving relationship I’ve ever had? how do you get past the shame and handle these emotions? how can i prove that i’m not broken and that i can keep these things from happening again? how do you come to terms with hurting someone you love the most?
2020.07.10 17:23 eliboosk8Wife is Cheating and wants out.
Kinda a long read, sorry for grammer, spelling in advance. Im 25M married to 26F just shy of 3 years, together for almost 9 years. Well some back ground info is we work 2 jobs, one job is at same place, a bowling ally, shes in the front in snack bar, I'm in back as Mechanic. Shes created a friendship circle at work with one of the other girls in snack bar (H) and one of the guys from the back that works with me (P). them 3 would all have same day off, i worked, and work on same days, i be off. I quickly started to dislike this little friendship they had. My wife started coming home later then normal. Texting 24/7 and hiding the conversions by using snapchat to text. so after a few weeks, P introduced H to one his friends and then it was them 4 hanging out. umm excuse me! my wife has less interest in spending time with me and spent it with them. i felt something wasnt righ. It ate away at me for weeks untill i had had enough! One night i snuck on her phone and went through her snapchat, and text and what i found made me so sick to my stomach. it wasnt in a message from H or P. but between her and her friend A (a girl). talking about how she was unhappy being married. and she had started talking to P and how sweet he was to her. BULL SHIT! i work with this guy. he told me all about how he treats girls and uses them for sex and what not till they block him or "ghost" him (his words). red flag! well i keep reading, my wife had told her how they had kissed and she liked it. i couldn't take it, i took a shower at 2am shaking and crying, hurt so much. ohhh and to add to the hurt, we we're signing lease to a new apartment that next morning, i had red flag vibes up so i asked her straight the next morning, in the office waiting for lady to type up a lease. and my wife got upset i went though her phone but she told me they had kissed and she started to like him but he called things off between them because it didn't feel right. and nothing else would happen, well we sign the lease and start moving in mid march. about that same time out bowling center closed because of covid-19. so i havent seen or talked to P in few weeks. Beginning of April i find there little friendship isn't over and i dont like it and have a gut feeling something is going on. so she was spending the night at (H) house and she left her apple watch at home so i got on it, it has text and her fb messanger on it so i read some messages between her and H but nothing really out of normal messages since they mostly talk on snapchat which her apple watch doesnt have. and i come across messages to A. and in clear english it was typed out that my wife and P had been having sex. and that they tryed to meet up since we got out apartment but wasn't able to. that afternoon my wife came home and she knew something wasnt right with me. I didnt know how to ask her so i just asked if she was hiding anything from me. she told me no. so i just said okay and layed down, that night one of her friends (G) who i had meet a handfull of times before was coming over with her bf and we were going to have a double date at home with a home cooked meal. When G got to our place she asked where i was and my wife told her i was in the bedoom being mopy about something, so her friend P came and sat down next to me and asked if i was ok and she wanted me to meet her bf. so i got up and we drank some beer, then H messaged my wife wanting to come over, H doesnt drive so my wife would have to drive 30 min one way to get her. and G and i are like no, we dont want her here, (G and i dont like H too much) but my wife went to get her leaving me, G. and her bf alone to make dinner. so when my wife left G asked whats going on. so i told her what i found and G offered to fill me in on EVERYTHING i didnt know about, i became heartbroken. i got drunk to cope with my emotions during the time my wife wasnt there, well almost 2 hours later my wife comes home with h and G and her Bf leave shortly after. My wifes mad i had been drinking. so she and h go into the other bedroom and shut the door leaving me by my self so i go to bed. next morning i ask my wife about P and she knew i knew what was going on. i told her G tole me evething. so we sit in the bedroom on the bed and she tells me she had been cheating on me but it stopped. i couldn't do anything but cry. she told me she was going to go stay at h house for the night. i felt it was the end so i went to my brothers house. he lives 5 min from me, and told him everything and he called mom and she come over so i told her everything too. then went home and sleep alone and broken. The next morning my sister calls me, (because my mom called her). she lives in TN. so phone is only way we talk. i tell her everything and im on an emotion rage during this time. well to turn a longer story shorter. after we hung up, and i told her to not get involved, my sister messaged my wife's mom, telling her what her daughter was doing, which her mom had ZERO knowledge of so that started issues between my wife and my sister who basically is just looking out for her baby brother. so her mom comes over that afternoon when my wifes home, and i sit in on them talking. my wife telling me shes sorry and she was stupid for what she as done. her mom tells her the only way it can heal and get better between us is if she ends all contact with P. I just sit back and listen. The next few months Im trying to fix our relationship, she still wants to go party with H and G. I honestly coudnt tell you anything about P because she will not talk about him around me. I've done so good for now to not go to his house with my friends and beat the shit out of him for fucking around with my wife and continuing to work with me like nothing is going on (before i found out anything). i started seeing a counselor to cope with my emotions and what not, i do wanna fix our relationship, i can look past what she has done IF she can show she is sorry and helps rebuild the relationship. she doesnt want to tho because she feels to guilty for what shes done to me, at least thats what she told me....but i keep fighting to stay together. The last week of June i went to TN to spend some time with family. This morning i went on her Apple watch and saw she opened a tinder, messaged A over the week i was gone talking about moving out when im gone, still hooking up with P. Not wanting to be with me. but to my complete shock. A said she needs to stop talking to her because hes using her. just before my trip H and P private messaged me telling me they dont like how my wife is acting because of P and they have been telling her to leave him and stay with me. Our bowling center opens today for first time in months and i was told in past P wasnt coming back but then my wife said he was so i went to my boss and told him i will not work with him, iv been there for 5+ years, he been there about 8 months, i won. he isn't coming back. cant wait to see what happens from here, yes i love my wife, but the more i try the more i realize we arn't in love anymore, I've lost all trust in her. I don't like the idea of Divorce. it hurts me so much to even think of it. Im so attached to my wife, i fell in love at first sight, lost my V to her. based my whole life around being with her, i choose married life over single life and i still want the married life. what to i do, thanks for reading some of my heartache.
2020.07.10 16:41 ChemicalTourniquetteAm I wrong for being upset about a certain situation involving my bf and one of his female roommates/friends?
Ok so my bf (23m, calling him John) is moving in with a female friend (20 f and we'll call her Barbara) and one or two of her friends in less than a week. We have dating for a month, and we met off of tinder. He had just gotten out of a relationship of almost three years. It was abusive and awful, so he came out very hurt and emotionally confused. About two weeks ago, I discovered that he met barbara met by hooking up on Tinder. It happened once it was awkward and horrible and "I didnt even cum"-- bf, 2020. So now, hes not just moving in with a friend, but an old fuck. Here's what's bugging me now (besides that face value fact of moving in with an old fuck). So the situation was very very weird. Barbara was told by her bf to see other people and that he (calling him Lewis) would see other people. So, Barb hooked up with John (like I said before, apparently it was horrible and awkward and just a no and they didnt have to but did anyway. Tf? If didnt want to then fucking DONT) and to my knowledge, before discovering a lil tidbit of info last night, a done situation... but it seems that Lewis wasnt actually ok with Barbara fucking other people. (Also, John is only Barbara's second body. But she says it doesnt mean anything) So that put in my mind that my bf fucked another dudes girl and dude was upset about it. Oh, and fun fact, hes nervous about meeting Lewis. Why are you nervous if it's a done situation and Lewis is "cool with it now" and it was "Lewis fault for telling her to fuck others then get upset about it"? When we were talking about this last night, he got really defensive. I told him it was a stupid thing to do and a idiotic situation to put yourself in and still kinda be a part of. He got really mad at me. "So you think I'm a scumbag now after everything I've proven to you?" No I'm uncomfortable with the situation that you are still in apparently. It's not a done deal. Side note, I am 20 as well and he said he feels strange about dating me even tho I was completely single...ok... The defensiveness, the fact I keep learning cool new things about my bf and one of his close friends/very soon to be roomates history, and my past of being cheated on by an ex bf with "just a homie", just aren't mixing well. All I want is you to tell me not to worry. Not give me reasons that make my feelings feel invalid. I'm sorry this is garbled. I want to be wrong and for my worries to just be unfounded anxiety. Am I being overactive for being worried about things?
2020.07.10 16:03 tryingtofeeljoyagainWas this normal? Abuse? BPD? I'm so confused
Hi everyone. I really don't have anywhere to go for support right now and I'm really struggling. I know this is really long, but it was 7 months of my life... I invested my soul into her and her children. I really do appreciate anyone willing to listen or offer perspective. Thank you We were together for 7 months and met on a dating site. She just turned 25 a few months ago, has two younger kids, and I'm turning 28 in a few weeks. It moved off the dating site almost instantly to Snapchat and she was just so warm and showered me with attention. I went from no activity on my phone to constantly holding it. I'm pretty sure it was within the first few days that I had her phone number and we started talking about meeting up. She was pretty quick to get sexual and sent a nude within a week so unexpectedly. I really had to force myself out of my comfort zone to meet her, but it was like this instant connection. We went out to dinner, went for a walk in the city, embraced under a Christmas tree surrounded by people, lights, ice skaters and ended up sitting on a swing comforting each other before sharing our first kiss. That night, we ended up hooking up in my car in her driveway. The next month was weird but it was good. I found out she was at the final stage of a divorce where she walked out on her ex-husband she claimed was emotionally abusive/absent. We were talking every day still, she made it seem like she was really starting to like me. All the compliments, gifts, just everything... I remember at the start that she was really nervous about introducing me to the kids and I was also so terrified. I eventually met them within the first month and ended up staying at her place a few times. When I finally went there, I learned that she lived with her best friend, her best friend's ex husband, and their kids. After a few visits, I started getting uncomfortable with the ex husband and my ex... it wasn't normal. The way they would look at each other and how they would always touch, she would end up sitting closer to him than me, she would walk by and play with his hair, he would even tickle her and the kids or stand behind her with his hand on her lower back. After I found out they fell asleep in her bed together watching star wars, I had to have a serious talk about boundaries. I never wanted to make her feel like she wasn't her own individual and I really did try to approach everything from this "partnership, not ownership" perspective. We talked about her and him and she just told me that they're best friends and he's like a brother and that she would never do to me what's been done in the past.... long history of abandonment, betrayal, abuse, being used, etc. It wasn't until a little later that I found out they've actually hooked up before when my ex and her ex husband swapped partners with her best friend and this guy. She said it was a one time thing and nothing since. Between 1-2 months in, she started talking about fate and life, how we meet, how it was so unexpected, the timing, etc. She talked about how she has never been treated so well and told me all the time that no one has ever made her feel so safe and loved. I would hold her for hours, play with her hair, rub her back while we smoked and just lived in the moment. Eventually she started talking about soul mates and twin flames and started telling me she was scared that I was "the runner" and that she didn't want to lose me. I did nothing but reassure her she was enough and I wasn't going anywhere.... the entire relationship. I still remember the first time we locked eyes during sex and shared what felt like such a pure bond.. she started crying. Around 3 months in is when she started acting different. Her best friend had to move out because his ex wife got with someone else that was moving in, and now they were kicking her out too. She had no where to really go but I was always there for her. It went from constant interaction, snaps, texts, phone calls, video calls, to almost nothing. She would hardly snapchat me throughout the day, and she stopped screenshotting all my stuff and showering me with compliments. Things just felt different and it was so sudden. I tried talking with her so many times from a place of understanding and compassion and she would even thank me all the time for being so patient with her. Every talk resulted in her somewhat closing down but not fully. She would still talk and be there but it was always just "I don't know", "I'm sorry", or "I'm just broken". She really struggles with anxiety and depression and grew up with the trauma of a passing mom and emotionally abusive father. Covid isn't helping with her being unemployed with no place to call home for her and the kids. She would tell me that I deserve better and that she would be better for herself, the kids, and me but she wouldn't ever put in the work. I didn't fault her because I know how hard it can be and I know she's so tired but I helped her get unemployment benefits, I offered to get her into therapy, I offered to try and get her a job and a place to rent or possibly even buy. I just couldn't provide immediate relief and a place for us all to move into. Month 3-6 was hot and cold, up and down waves but no fighting ever. Intimacy died down, we weren't seeing each other as much, she always seemed so busy and like she was putting everyone else first. I ended up finding out she was sending nudes and being sexual with guys via twitter dms. I tried talking with her about what we both want/need, how I was willing to adjust and adapt, and how I was even willing to open up and explore. She constantly told me "I don't want anyone but you. You're my forever person" and just said it was about her insecurities, need for validation and attention, not feeling good enough, etc. She had me saved in her phone as "my forever person" and her wallpaper was the first picture of us. There were a few more talks about her and this "best friend" because she would stay at his house with the kids, go over there instead of coming to see me, etc. She eventually ended up saying she had to cut contact with him because he admitted feelings and she didn't feel the same. She told me "I thought about it so much and I choose you" The final month.... I hadn't seen her in 3 weeks. She blew me off right before the 4th of July and came back saying "too late?" like it was all unintentional. She didn't even try planning anything with me for the 4th and seemed so uninterested in everything I offered, instead she left for a trip up north on the 4th with close family friends and said she would be back on the 5th. She text me that evening and said "we made it baby" and sent such a cute picture of her and her daughter... they looked so happy. She went dark after that with no warning and no activity for 48 hours. I started panicking 24 hours after she was supposed to be home because I don't know where she was and her car is having serious problems. I was so worried about her and those kids and I eventually reached out to her dad and sister. She finally text me late night on the 6th and said "i'm ok. being away from my phone for 2 days made me realize that i need space to focus on me and the kids" I was still in shock from the previous 2 days thinking she was in a ditch or something and now I was trying to process this... over text. I told her that I didn't understand how it could go from so warm and loving, I love yous and talks of forever and the future to this in 2 days. I told her it's not what I want and that I'm willing to put in whatever work is needed, even if it's an issue with me specifically. I asked her if there was anything I could learn and improve for future relationships if she was truly done with me. I told her that this would break me even though I'll eventually heal because I was questioning what was real with us. I finally told her I can't be mad at her and that I'm grateful for everything, just thank you. I said goodbye and she just read it all and chose to ignore it. 48 hours passed and I decided to reach out one last time just to make sure she was okay. She's been suicidal and has told me multiple times she needs a push. Below is what I said: "I'm sorry for how I reacted to the news and you deserved better, I was in shock. There's so much I'd like to say but I just want you to know that I'm only giving you space because it's what you want. I really am grateful for you. You and those kids have changed my life. I'm here if you ever need anything. I'm not closing the door" She replied: "i appreciate it. but i really just need to focus on me and my kids right now. they need me." My final message was this: "They do need you. i really do worry about you and them. i just couldn't leave it there knowing you're struggling right now. I don't know what was real or forced or whatever, but it was all soooooo real to me. If I hurt you in any way, I hope you can forgive me. You showed me a love I never thought I'd find. I don't mean to be a burden. This is all just hard for me too and I'm trying not to be selfish because I don't want to make it harder I'll hold on to all those good memories and think of you all often. Thank you again and seriously, don't hesitate to reach out. I wont push you for anything lol" She read it and chose not to respond again. It's been 3 days and still nothing. I know she's gone and I need to let go. I know it was all a fantasy. If I know all this, why does it hurt so bad? Why did it feel so real? I know some of those moments were real. We shared a few firsts... The first time I washed her hair, or the first time she crawled into my bed with her socks off and just laid on me while she played with my feet. She seriously hated feet and it took her months to take her socks off around me I could never do that to someone else, especially someone like her. I really thought we shared something so genuine and deep. Is this normal? Is this what breakups are like? I know she struggles with mental health but I never thought she would just take off like that or have what feels like no regard for my emotions or well being. Only a week ago we were talking about her 5 year old son and me being the male mentor in his life that he really needs since his dad left at birth. We talked about me standing in his wedding lol I know those kids love me so much. I didn't just lose her, I lost them too and they lost me. Part of me believes she's just over there with him because he can provide immediate comfort and a place to call home I'm healing faster than I thought... the last time took me a decade and I really thought I was at my peak and unbreakable. Now I'm questioning how strong I really was or am. I'm wondering how I can trust people now too since she knew everything about me and all my old traumas. She knew that my first love left me the same way after 3 years, on our high school graduation day... because she was cheating on me with my best friend that I grew up in a baby crib with. She knows I spent 10 years isolating and finding myself and learning how to really love before putting myself out there. She knows I chose her, I didn't just settle. How can people be so heartless?
2020.07.10 15:56 TossitintothevoidMy relationship just imploded. What the hell just happened?
Strap in folks... this is a lengthy one; Tl;Dr - My (43m) fiancee (45f) said she gives our relationship 3-4 months after I told her I don't want to be in the LS anymore after multiple issues/problems. How to proceed? Six years into our now decade long relationship, we decided to go to a LS venue for the first time. We had a great time, met a couple, played, and decided to give the swinger LS a try. Over the course of the last nearly four years, we've been fairly active, joined a small group of regulars who would hang out once or twice a month, hooked up with unicorns, and generally have had a good time. But there have always been issues that would pop up from time to time: Early on, we had an issue where we went to a house party and we both had an individual play session. She had issues with the woman I played with because she wanted a closed door session with just me. My fiancee felt it was inappropriate and disrespectful and forbid me from playing with her ever again. We talked about it a worked through it, and continued on. At a seperate event, there was a woman who was really into me and considered her night unfulfilled if she didnt get to play with me. She had previously mentioned that it was shark week for her (bit of a turn off for me) so we didn't really play much, but made out a bit. Meanwhile, my fiancee had a private session with a guy, but when she was done, she got upset when she saw me kissing the other woman. Again, we talked about it, worked it out, and pushed through. There had been other issues that arose, everything from her getting upset when I seem to "really enjoy" someone else, even going so far as to say "Im on a whole other level with these women", to her getting upset because I referred to another woman as "goddess" when describing her to another male as we where hosting and I was in charge of the guest list. I suggested on multiple occassions that I felt we needed a break from the LS and needed to take time to focus on our relationshipnas I felt these issues were the result of her insecurity, and that we needed a solid foundation for "us" before we continued. Then came Covid-quarantine, which forced us to take a break. Meanwhile, we have been going to couples therapy and working on our communication and understanding of each other, our relationship, boundries, LS rules, etc. A few weeks ago, as the world began to reopen, we hosted a small party, and all had a good time, with the exception of one couple. She played. I played. Everything seemed fine. Usually, I'll ask if she wants to get another couples contact info and KIT, and when I asked her about the couple we played with, she said "not particularly", and I left it at that. Something happened where the male of said couple lost his ID at the party, and numbers had to be exchanged to try to recover it. No big deal. This week, we were supposed to host a small gathering (2-3couples). Now, I'm in charge of all the sites, profiles, meeting, and vetting, and usually cc her into the convo after I decided the other person/couple aren't time wasters or flakes. We have profiles on about three or four different sites, and as most of you know, dealing with the matches, msgs, ghosts, etc can be exhausting. So in trying to organize a guestlist, there had been a lot of communication between myself and other couples/unicorns, but I didn't have time to loop her in, and this was an issue for my fiancee. Understandable. We were discussing who I invited after sending her screebshots of all the communication with "confirmed" guests, and she asked "Did you invite anyone else?" "Yeah. I also invited (the lost ID couple), but they are out of town." She got upset and asked "Why would you invite them. Why do you even have her number. When you asked if I wanted to KIT with them I said no, so why are you even talking to her?" I explained that I got their contact info the day after we met them when everyone was looking for his ID (a conversation she was present for), and that I had a good time with them and thought they were a cool couple, and asked her to explain why she didn't like them. "Well, she would be having a conversation with you, and whenever I came to join you two, she would leave. That's disrespectful. Besides that, she said that she usually doesn't give out her number, but for some reason, she gave it to you!" Whatever. Its fine. Wont communicate or invite them again. Then we started talking about all the things that bother her about our interactions and what I gathered is this: She doesnt like it when I appear to be having a "good time". She doesn't like me talking to or interacting with any woman she considers a "threat" (any woman above average in the looks department) She doesn't like it when I have "flirtatious" conversations with other women. And basically, doesn't like me to do, say, or behave in any manner that makes her feel insecure... which is to say... Everything! Specifically, we talked about the pre-meet communication and vetting. I told her since she doesnt want me to communicate with other women, she should handle the sites, profiles, meetings and dates. "I dont want to do that. That's your thing. You obviously enjoy it." So... you don't want me to talk to other women/Couples, but you don't want to do it either? So I msg and told everyone our party was cancelled, and told her I didn't want to be LS anymore because it has been causing problems between us and Id rather eliminate the problems and focus on just us. "I give us three to four months." She said. "What... before we're back in the LS?" "No. Before we break up." What. The. Actual. Fuck? I asked "Why would you say something like that?" "Well, you've always been clear on how you feel about monogamy and when have I ever been enough for you?" I said "Right about that time I put that ring on your finger for starters." This was around midnight last night. My mind is still reeling. I haven't slept. Im so angry I can barely focus. And I really dont know what to say or do. I feel like the only reason she agreed to be in the LS in the first place was to try and appease me, with 60% of our experiences causing a problem, and now that I no longer enjoy LS things because of said problems, she thinks our relationship is doomed. Anyone have any insight on how I can salvage things?
2020.07.10 15:45 mizzerableNreadyWhen the guy you’re casually dating does not ask questions about you: normal / worth discussing / red-flag? Advice please!
I met this guy off Bumble about three weeks ago. We hit it off and have gotten together 6 times since then. Before we met, we spent about a week chatting back and forth on the app and had a great rapport. Both his and my responses were detailed, he made me laugh and he really knew how to keep the conversation going. He would always ask follow up questions about the things we were discussing, showing interest in my tastes and life in general. Since we’ve been meeting up though, I notice that in both our text and dates, he rarely, if ever, asks me anything about myself. I’ve seen this on the dating threads before and most of the time I either see,” this is normal (for both men and women), people are shit at conversation and unaware of their behavior,” OR “this is a red flag, he/she is using you - get outta there.” In this case, I know he, at least on some level, understands the importance of asking about someone you are interested in, and the more we hang out, the more it is starting to bother me. We both are only looking for something casual, and if this was more serious, I would definitely see this as a problem and bring it up. In this case, however, I’m less sure of what to do. My questions are basically:
Is this normal in casual dating (e.g., a way of keeping things a bit distanced, not diving too much into my personal life so it doesn’t start feeling like a ‘serious relationship’)?
Is this something worth bringing up directly (most of the time I am big into just dealing with things directly, but I also don’t want to say, “Hey why don’t you ever ask me about myself?”and plant a weird seed in our interactions because now he feels some need to text “right” etc., or have him assume I’m trying to boyfriend him lol)
If it is worth bringing up, how would you do it?
Guys: How would you respond to this being brought up by someone you are casually seeing?
For context, our first meet up was at a restaurant/bar, and the others have been at my apartment more for convenience than anything else (COVID life, better for both of our budgets, we are both a bit introverted), yes we’ve had sex (every date since we’ve first hooked up), and there has been mutual interest in non-apartment hangs, but the logistics haven’t worked out on those for reasons on both sides. He’s responsive in general, and we usually set something up for a future date before the conclusion of whatever one we are on. I dunno… the lack of questions, etc. is just something I find grating and it is starting to make me feel like I’m being used solely as a convenient supply of booty. Yes, I know on some level that is what a casual relationship is, but to me having a give and take and expressing interest in someone you are seeing regularly is pretty much a baseline / common courtesy type thing. You don’t need to be my pillar of support through hard times, but should at least ask how my day was if we are hanging out. Am I off base? Overthinking?? Thoughts???
2020.07.10 15:21 PrussiandreamsWIBTA if i told my (in my head EX) best friends that i don't want to talk to her anymore?
I have known AP since 2011, and she was my closest friend for the longest time, we did a lot of things together, and we were so close that whenever her mom would leave, her mom would call me to stay with her to make sure she doesn't burn the house down. Things changed when I Broke up with my Ex-boyfriend, cause I liked another boy, (we had issues and I told him that I had to sort this in my head but we broke off, I didn't physically cheat on him when we were dating) anyway when I moved to uni they both became very close cause my ex would miss me when I was at uni and he would go meet her to feel better (no they didn't hook up) and they used to hang out a lot, his friends became her friends and visa versa. Now after the breakup, I feel like she has gotten very distant, she was very cold to me immediately after the breakup and when I spoke to her about it she told me she thought what I did (telling my ex that I might have feelings for someone) is cheating and did not approve of it, she never listened to me when I told her about my other issues with my ex, and I have told her that even if I didn't like someone I would have broken up with my ex cause there were many other issues. Now a year or so later, I know that her loyalties are with my Ex, she keeps saying that she still considers me her best friend but i know its not the case, cause whenever I tell her something in confidence I hear about it from my cousin and the only way she would know is through my ex, and once I read chats between my ex and her where they were like good riddance and that they had found friendship among broken relationships, and it hurt a lot cause she dated another close friend of mine and when they broke up I stayed neutral and did not let my emotions get affected by the other person. she only talks to me when I'm in town now, we don't talk to each other unless she wants to talk about her ex, and she sounds fake when she talks to me, she doesn't ask about my current bf (and she has told me that she will always be biased regarding him) I miss my friend, but she is no more my friend, I know that she has been trying but every time I see her I'm just hurt, cause I know she's trying too hard to make it look like things are great between us. I told a mutual friend about this and he told me to not tell her and just let things fade away, but I want to tell her how she has been a horrible friend to me since I broke up with my Ex and how she has treated me.
2020.07.10 15:14 throwawayacc09477228I (21 F) still have a soft spot for my first love even though I’m in a relationship
Hi all, throwaway account bc my s/o knows my primary reddit. I’ll keep this super short and to the point. I’ve been dating my s/o for about half a year or so and before I met them I reconnected with my ex (I’ll call him T) from 3/4 years ago. We are just friends and at least on my end, it’s purely platonic- though if i’m being honest sometimes it does feel like T is waiting for me to jump back on the horse with him. Whether it’s a casual hook up/sex or giving it another shot- i think we both have a soft spot for each other. I love my s/o with every part of me, so i got rid of T’s number and havent spoken to him since. I’m just wondering if anybody else ever has a spot for their first young love or if i should’ve completely moved on by now?
2020.07.10 15:08 gringachilenaBoyfriend has slept with almost all his female friends
Hi everyone, I'm a 30F and my boyfriend is 32M. We met about six months ago and clicked immediately. We had both been single for a while (about 3+ years for both of us) and it has been an amazing experience meeting each other. Even if it sounds corny, it really feels like true love. To summarize my experience before meeting him: single, working, living with roommates in the city, going out, casually dating with either people my friends tried to hook me up with or through dating apps. I had sex with some of them, some not. All in all normal. Some of these dates became my friends other's didn't. I tell you this to contextualize that I have no moral dillema or experience barrier with the issue at hand. So, as I said earlier, I met this amazing man six months ago, who I love and respect very much. The great thing is that he feels the same way about me, he introduced me to his family, we're making plans and are truly happy. So, he has an old group of best friends from uni, they hang out alot (alot) and have a long history. In the group there are like 5 women, three of whom were my boyfriend's lovers at some point in time. One of them being his regular "sex buddy" at the time we met. He never dated any of them "formally". He confessed one of them had a boyfriend but they would still meet in secret to have sex. He said he was embarrased by his behavior, since he knew his friend's boyfriend well and kind of lied to his face for a few years. He of course stopped any sexual activity with them since our relationship started. He was honest with this information and I appreciate it. I'm friends with some of my former lovers too, and he knows it, but they are not in my group of best friends at all. Of course I don't have an issue with him having former sexual partners before me, but them being so regular in his life and close, kind of makes me feel weird. I don't know if it's insecurity or being immature or taking this info the wrong way. But my stomach feels tight and I feel sad when we hang out with them. I recognize that my boyfriend is a really good looking guy and sweet, he reminds me of Marshall from HIMYM, for being tall, funny and smart. He's quite a catch. A part of me feels his friends kind of used him for sex, but maybe that's just me being silly cause he's not an idiot. When we hang out, l feel them looking at me wondering if I know they've slept with him and I (I feel)see them trying to catch his eye in a sort of complicity. I've been honest with him about how I feel and he understands. He says that if I'm uncomfortable we don't have to hang out with them, that he doesn't talk or chat with them regularly anymore because he understands boundaries, and that he would not lose what we have over them. He offers not to invite them to the next bbq or get together, but I say no to that since don't want to be that person. I say I'm ok, and I feel good if he's near and we sit closer to other friends. What do you think? Have you had a similar experience? Do you think it's right to feel this way? Are there any tools to feel less sad or insecure? Should I take him on his offer? Do you think his friends see me as someone who took away their go-to friend for sex? I don't know if I'm asking the right questions, just want to share my experience and feelings with strangers online to get some insight. Sorry for the long post and thanks for reading!
2020.07.10 14:46 whiteshadow255Recap of the whirlwind
Now that we’ve all had a few days to discuss and marinate (and maybe cool down a bit), I wanted to lay out the accusations that I’ve heard as well as my current take on it based on discussions with many of you and many hours of being glued to my screen. This might be beating a dead horse at this point. If so, move on. I’m still getting it straight in my head, as I feel many are. Obviously, I can't comment from the perspective of the women, this is from the perspective of someone rationally trying to sift through all the bullshit, and weighing the kernels of truth against my personal belief system. Others have different beliefs, and that's fine-- this isn't an attack on those. If anything, I hope it can help others tease apart at a finer detail what they think about the situation, whether you agree with my assessments or not. We’re all waiting for more evidence or a statement from the man himself, sure, but regardless of what comes out in the future, this has proven to be a good exploration of really important topics, and as upset as I’ve been I feel like I’ve learned a lot in this process, as I’ve changed my mind 50 or so times. So here goes. “He’s a rapist” Not a single woman has said anything about anything non-consensual. Further, by every account, Lorin is rabidly, vocally anti-substance so we can have a good sense that the consent was not plied with molly or alcohol or what have you. Further, this consent happened over a long period of time and all the accounts I’ve read they didn’t even hook up until months down the line after many hours of conversation. The reason that term is being thrown around is because of the ‘statutory rape’ curveball from that phone call, i.e. a technical term when someone can’t give consent legally because they’re a minor (I’m not even going to get into how unfair it is to make light of that term for women who have actually been raped). So some have spiced up the rape allegation with: “He’s a pedophile” The youngest we’ve heard mentioned is 17. Fact: age of consent is 16 years old in 34 states, 14 of which allow any age differential between partners. Don’t believe me? https://aspe.hhs.gov/report/statutory-rape-guide-state-laws-and-reporting-requirements-summary-current-state-laws/sexual-intercourse-minors. This is also true of most of the world: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Age_of_consent#/media/File:Age_of_Consent_-_Global.svg. While it is a legal gray area depending on where in the country you may find yourself, it appears most are really arguing the moral issue and only falling back to the legal issue— the possible 17yr old in TN thing— if they have a vendetta against Lorin and want him in prison or when they lose ground on the moral argument and are looking for a technical ‘gotcha.’ Let’s be real— that argument is not in good faith— reminder: pot is only legal in 11 states, and I’m sure none of you have ever done molly or sid or k or aya or anything like that ever in your life or ever done anything in the legal gray area (/s). Bottom line, 16 is consent in most of the world. You may disagree with an older man dating a younger women. You may think it’s gross, immoral, whatever. Here’s the thing— that’s a preference. Humans have those. And those preferences are none of our business. Would I do it? Nope. Do I think it’s a good idea? Definitely not. Does it happen? Yep. Do I lose sleep over consensual relationships? Nope. I have no desire to police other people's sex lives-- as someone who was raised Catholic in the South, I know what that looks like. To the people obsessing over how ‘weird’ or ‘creepy’ it is, I suppose the irony is lost on you in how weird and creepy it is that you’re obsessing over it— sounds like the headmaster at a religious boarding school. For those that preach acceptance of sexual identity, it’s a pretty bad look. “He abused his power” There are 5 kinds of social power: legitimate, coercive, reward, expert, and referent. Referent is where the power of celebrity would fall— it’s very strong, but also has no teeth. It’s purely a perception in the eye of the beholder. It also has 0 repercussions for denying. It is imaginary power. Contrasted with, say, Harvey Weinstein's use of coercive power threatening to ruin someone’s career if they didn’t give in to his hokey pokey. Lots of people seem to be stuck on this allegation. But here’s the thing— it is not uncommon for there to be a power imbalance between partners— whether it’s a difference in financial status, career position, or level of fame (be it at a local level or greater). If you have a job and your partner doesn’t/you’re the breadwinner? BAM: Power imbalance. If you’re well known in the community but your partner is new to the area? BAM: Power imbalance. BeTtEr NoT AbUsE yOuR PoWeR! Another commenter had a good example: A hot 30 year old woman at a top law firm dating a fresh out of school accountant at a mid-tier firm— is she abusing her power by dating him? Conversely, does he have some right to lock her down? I’m sure that’d go over well: “how dare he expect to lock down this strong successful career woman with all her prospects, what a pig, how naive!” If you’re willing to pull out the pitchfork on this one, the points will be get dull quick from all the stabbing you’re going to have to do. As much ink has been spilled over this allegation, ironically, it's also the allegation that Lorin took seriously and seems to have been trying to answer for with his open invite to connect with him if someone felt like he wronged them in the past. However, these women didn’t seem interested in making amends or healing what I absolutely agree is legitimate pain, they seemed interested only in his public immolation. As were we. “He’s a hypocrite.” So let me get this straight. If he DIDN'T start a non-profit and DIDN'T donate a bunch of time, money, and energy towards humanist causes, and DIDN'T preach messages of love and empathy, then no one would think twice about all this shit? “I can't believe it! He's such a fucking asshole for starting a non-profit and donating 100s of thousands of dollars to righteous causes and starting up and supporting all kinds of social good projects when he himself isn't perfectly righteous!!” Do people realize how silly that sounds?? No one is perfect. A man is never as pure as his ideals. That’s not a reason to crucify the man, it’s a reason to celebrate the ideals— and it’s exactly what he seemed to always try to do by deflecting credit and attention to “Bassnectar” the project rather than Lorin the man. “He’s a groomer” From these women’s OWN accounts, Lorin seems to have been an attentive, albeit polyamorous(ish) boyfriend, who Encouraged them to be healthy in mind and body Encouraged them not to drugs Praised their talents and their efforts to develop them Encouraged them to write out their goals and dreams Encouraged them to eat healthy and exercise Warned them of the ulterior motives of other guys, particularly guys at festivals, particularly around substances. Gave them money, offered travel, tickets to shows, down payments on apartments. I know right, WHAT A FUCKING MONSTER. From what's been presented, Lorin is a player. Full stop. And it seems like the worst part of their relationship with Lorin is simply that it ended or that they weren't the only one getting his attention. Seems like Lorin’s biggest mistake was trying to do what he felt was the right thing w/o getting legal when the accusations started flying. Seems like the only thing non-consensual were the de-contextualized recordings of him trying to make amends that were shared to wolves with demonstrable axes to grind. Seems like many of his friends and fans were quick to throw him under the bus, after preaching for years right alongside the man messages of thinking for yourself, and love and empathy and acceptance. Hypocrite, you say? I know better than to have gurus. I’m old enough to have been disappointed by enough ‘heroes’ to not have them anymore. This is not about ‘defending your god,’ this is about being a human, being sparing with your judgment of others, and holding space for the truth. It's also about some fucking killer music, experiences, and the solidarity of a group that lit me up every time, where I felt welcome and whole, and ready to take on the world— and the fact that all that has been cancelled.
2020.07.10 13:35 throwawaylikeme420Baby daddy fucked his other baby mama, told me I was the only one he was sleeping with, now I might have chlamydia
Yeah, sounds kind of trashy, but it's not so bad as it sounds. He knocked up a girl he was dating (supposedly she was on the pill but every contrceptive has a chance of not quite doing its job once in a blue moon), and her family is really controlling and tried to make him marry her. He wasn't down with that, and I don't blame him. So she left him and married another guy because her family insisted she get married before she had his daughter. So sometime after all that, me and baby daddy hooked up. We'd been friends for about a year and a half, used to be casual fuckbuddies on the regular and hadn't seen each other in several months. Now, when I have a fuckbuddy, I have just one. Partially out of respect for the person because I feel it's a bit rude to sleep with multiples (unless all parties are aware and okay with it, to each their own), and also because I'm not likely to get or spread any stds, assuming the other person does the same. But this time it was just a one night hook up before we kind of went our separate ways again. We were both going through a lot of other shit and just didn't have the time or energy to hang out. A couple months later, turns out I'm pregnant, I tell him but by now the other baby mama has put him through so much that he's uneasy about it. Like from the beginning he said he'd support me however he needs to and would be in our kid's life, but he didn't sound enthusiastic. The other girl hadn't let him see his daughter for the first several months and was pretty awful to him. From about 5 months on, I was hanging out with him frequently, back to the same casual friends with benefits. But as I kept going over there during my pregnancy, he got more comfortable with the situation and I think realized I wasn't going to put him through the same stuff he went through with his daughter. He started to seem excited. And we got a lot closer. And I thought I started to like him then, but shrugged it off as just hormones making me be ridiculous. Then I had our son. And after a couple months I realized I still liked him. And I told him this, and asked if he would ever consider dating. He said a few months back maybe, but he's not sure now because there's a lot going on. But maybe we can see how it goes later on down the road, he says. I'm okay with that, I know how it is when life gets overwhelming, I've been there. I was content to wait til he sorted things out. But I asked another question that was driving me crazy. I asked if I was the only one he's sleeping with, at least. We were always really sweet with each other when we hang out, cuddling, kissing, touching. So I hoped that I was at least the only one he was being so sweet with, and wasn't just playing me. And he told me I was. He said, it was just me. This is where it gets hard to talk about, because I'm still so torn up about it. A month later, while me and my son were at his house, he gets an angry call from his other baby mama. She claims he gave her chlamydia. When he first tells me this, I'm shocked, confused, and worried. As far as I know I do not and have never had an STD. But I know sometimes they can be asymptomatic. (I went and got tested for everything yesterday, I'll have my answers Monday.) But he asks me if I've slept with anyone else, and I tell him I haven't. I haven't since like November of last year. We discussed the situation, planned to get tested, and moved on with our day. Then something occurred to me after I'd gone home. Why is she calling about this now? As far as I knew I thought it had been months since they'd slept together, at least since I had my son. Surely at least that long. So I asked him. I dreaded the answer, but I asked when he had last slept with her. And he told me, over a month and a half ago. And now it's killing me. My son is about 3 months. My baby daddy slept with her not long after I'd had our son, and likely during the 6 week period I couldn't have sex for after birth. I'm so hurt I have no words to express it properly. I know I have no business getting so mad about it. We're not even dating. But he told me I was the only one, about 2 weeks after he had just slept with her. Claimed he needed to work things out. Only for me to find out he was actually just still fucking his other baby mama, I almost want to fucking kill myself. He claims his reasoning for not wanting to date was because it isnt fair to be with one of us and not the other. She went and got fucking married, asshole. I feel used and disgusted and angry and hurt and I dont know what to do with it all. I've struggled a lot in my life with suicidal tendencies and self harm. I'm doing much, much better than I once was, I haven't cut myself in about a year. No suicide attempts in the last 2. And I wouldn't kill myself over this, it hurts but I know I'll get over it and I have a son to take care of. If nothing else I'll suffer for him. I'm trying to ignore it, but I really want to tear my arms and legs up right now. I know cutting doesn't make anything better, but I don't know how else to cope. I'm feeling too many different things to pick them apart. I'm so upset at the thought of everything going on that I can't stand to think about it. And if I don't think about it, it practically boils just beneath my skin. It feels like I'm so full of awful emotions that I might burst at the seams, and no matter what way I try to ease the pressure, it's going to be painful. I'm a little stoned, in hopes of going back to sleep. It's hard because I'm struggling not to dwell on this, stoned or not. But sorry for the wall of text, tl;dr: someone has yet again left me feeling worthless, I wish I was never born
2020.07.10 13:34 ThrowRA_sundayscientHow do I [F32] move on and remain friends from a sudden breakup with a FWB [M26] (which I previously thought we were more than FWB)?
tl;dr: Got dumped by a FWB where I just knew we were only FWB at the breakup scene. How do I move on and remain friends with him? We have been friends for roughly 3 years. Closer to a year of knowing each others, we hooked up after being drunk. He was my first. The next morning, I didn't want to make things awkward so we talked normally. We didn't bring it up or agreed on what that was. We continued sleeping with each others for about 6 months until I saw a text from a girl back at his hometown asking about marriage (they used to date or were still dating at the time idk). He assured me he wasn't in a relationship with her and texted her about not wanting to marry before my eyes. I asked about the status in which he said we were just having fun. I felt used since I had feelings for him. Then he had to go to another city for work. We didn't talk for about 6 or so months since I needed time after the incident. We met again after that and I tried to keep my distance. However, it started again. This time I told myself it was only sex and nothing more. I tried to keep it casual. I chose a different blanket when I came to his place to sleep over but eventually he convinced to use the same blanket. Sometimes I felt he kissed my cheek while I was drifting off or he came holding me from behind and kissed my neck while I was cooking.As you may have guessed, I started to have feelings for him again and this time I even thought we would end up together. Until just weeks ago, I accidentally saw him texting a girl on IG. Then a week later he seemed different ie he wasn't passionate towards me anymore. His overall behavior changed so I confronted him. He accepted he was talking to a girl who works in the same building and later matched on Tinder. He added that he would pursue a relationship with her if they both are on the same page. So I asked him what about us and it was the same answer - we were having fun. I was really hurt. My heart was broken. He said nothing would change between us, that we could still hangout and we could sleep together until they are exclusive. I tried to be cool with it since I have no rights to be jealous. That night we tried to have sex but I could feel and see that his body didn't response as before. I want to remain friends but it hurts every time I am with him and see him texting or when he shows me what's on his phone and her text pops up. What should I do? I made the same post here.
2020.07.10 12:49 sundayscientistHow do I [F32] move on and remain friends from a sudden breakup with a FWB [M26] (which I previously thought we were more than FWB)?
tl;dr: Got dumped by a FWB where I just knew we were only FWB at the breakup scene. How do I move on and remain friends with him? We have been friends for roughly 3 years. Closer to a year of knowing each others, we hooked up after being drunk. He is my first. The next morning, I didn't want to make things awkward so we talked normally. We didn't bring it up or agreed on what that was. We continued sleeping with each others for about 6 months until I saw a text from a girl back at his hometown asking about marriage (they used to date or were still dating at the time idk). He assured me he wasn't in a relationship with her and texted her about not wanting to marry before my eyes. I asked about the status in which he said we were just having fun. I felt used since I had feelings for him. Then he had to go to another city for work. We didn't talk for about 6 or so months since I needed time after the incident. We met again after that and I tried to keep my distance. However, it started again. This time I told myself it was only sex and nothing more. I tried to keep it casual. I chose a different blanket when I came to his place to sleep over but eventually he convinced to use the same blanket. Sometimes I felt he kissed my cheek while I was drifting off or he came holding me from behind and kissed my neck while I was cooking.As you may have guessed, I started to have feelings for him again and this time I even thought we would end up together. Until just weeks ago, I accidentally saw him texting a girl on IG. Then a week later he seemed different ie he wasn't passionate towards me anymore. His overall behavior changed so I confronted him. He accepted he was talking to a girl who works in the same building and later matched on Tinder. He added that he would pursue a relationship with her if they both are on the same page. So I asked him what about us and it was the same answer - we were having fun. I was really hurt. My heart was broken. He said nothing would change between us, that we could still hangout and we could sleep together if I wanted to* until they are exclusive. I tried to be cool with it since I have no rights to be jealous. That night we tried to have sex but I could feel and see that his body didn't response as before. I want to remain friends but it hurts every time I am with him and see him texting or when he shows me what's on his phone and her text pops up. What should I do? Edit: add if I wanted to
2020.07.10 12:41 Digital_ZoneWhat’s theBest Fetish Sites for Kink Personals
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I'm confused....are we dating or just hanging out?
Just hooking up?
More Than Friends
Excuses You Can Use When Caught Hooking Up
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